…A client gave me a bunch of Japanese candy for my birthday. A few packs were SOUR cotton candy infused with pop rocks. UM WHAT? It was delicious, duh. All I could think about was how much you would have loved it. The pack I had was sour apple which was your favorite. Against everyone’s wishes you continued to hide candy in your nightstand each hospital stay. Ok, maybe you gave up on the hiding thing after awhile. One time I was almost to the hospital and you called insisting I detour to some place that sold blow pops and Haribo gummibears. The sour apple blow pops were always the first to go. Then of course you’d chew the gum like a damn horse and that made me crazy. Sometimes you would steal my suckers because “I just need one lick, real quick.” I always fell for it, even though I knew I would never get my sucker back.

…Recently we had to reconstruct mom and dad’s pond. I know you like to communicate with her via deers, but If i find out you sent those deer through her pond as a sign, then so help me! With the help of all of us and a LOT of hours, the thing is finally balanced, with pretty waterfalls AND stable. Did we enjoy any bit of doing it? Nope. Mom kept saying how you were the only one who loved doing yardwork with her. Flowers and plants were your thing, not mine and Britts. (I still have leaves from last fall in my yard!) We will continue to help them keep their yard pretty, just channel some of your green thumb into me so it’s not so painful. Pleeeease.

…I’ve recently photographed a couple of your friends. Both sessions went really well and I so wanted to hop in my car to call you and tell you all about the cuteness I just captured. This week I had an especially hard time because it was a baby girl who I know you’d refuse to put down if you were in her presence. On my way home, you clearly saw I was having an emotionally rough drive. I know you had that van cut me off to snap me out of it. The large “Purcell Marian Cavaliers” bumper sticker told me so. Thank you for your little reminders. They never go unnoticed.

…Speaking of your friends. Multiple have had babies, others are currently pregnant, and one recently engaged. Everyone of them knows you had your hand in each of these things. It’s sad to me that you won’t be throwing wonderful showers with cutesy details but it makes me happy that you are so clearly still involved in their lives. Maybe it’s not with nursery ideas or wedding details, but experiences you are sharing with them in a different way. I know you are celebrating for them up there.

…The phrase, “come on Ali, help a sister out,” is the most overused phrase of my inner voice. By the 4-5th time I’m in the kids room each night, I finally beg for your help to keep them asleep for me. Some nights you pull through, other nights I know you are teaching me patience. Teaching me I need to enjoy those hours awake through the night because they won’t always be little. They won’t always need me like this. But seriously, can you give me at least 4 hr stretches once in awhile. I’m freaking tired.

Ali and Martha stealing babies. I wish more than anything you could have taken this picture of you two holding your own babies together.