this post was written by ali’s sister inlaw (ben’s bro’s wife), lindsey. they live a few hours away so unfortunately we don’t get to hang out in person often, but i feel like i know her through ali. the cool thing about living somewhere else though, is that she, along with ben’s family, is continuing to carry on ali’s name in a different state. 🙂 ali always told me she loved being around lindsey because she was way into doing all the girly stuff that brittany and i aren’t. things like, makeup, (intense) decorating, DIY projects, SHOPPING, or anything frilly and flowery. it’s not that i don’t like that stuff, i just never had the time to get into with her, like lindsey did. and i don’t have their patience for perfection. 🙂 (so thanks for picking up our slack, lady!) the store lindsey refers to is probably the one store ali talked about the most, second to zulily. the two of them brought home so many personalized items, you’d think everything in their homes had their names embroidered or painted on it. 🙂

thanks for sharing lindsey. i invite anyone to share thoughts about ali, or share something that you think would bring a smile to all of our faces. you can email me at pace@loft3pd.com. let’s keep her alive through our words.  peace, melanie.

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I thought of you….

When I looked out of my window this morning and the sky was pink, the feeling that God is up there, allowing you to personally paint it that way floods my thoughts. Everytime there is a pink sunrise or sunset, if someone is near, I always say, “Look, Ali painted the sky pink for us.”

When I had to walk into Magnolia Alley (our fav store) without you for the first time. As I looked around at all the cute shiny dishes that you would have loved, my heart dropped, and it dropped more and more with each room I entered, until before I knew it, I was in tears right there in the middle of the store. (This also happened in Cracker Barrell, which would make you laugh, since it’s the “old time country store”, but you had really grown to love it, and would always find something you just had to have!)

When I see a child with no shoes on or pajamas on in public, my mind flashes back to you having serious meltdowns over the fact that Olivia may be one of those children when she came to stay in C-ville, and how you would send me texts to make sure she was dressed the way you speciflcally grouped the outfits together. I never wanted to tell you that when I walked into the bedroom, Olivia’s bag was dumped and all the clothes were all mixed together… didn’t want to cause you any mental stress!  Or when Olivia had a run in her hose that turned into a hole that her whole foot ended up sticking out of at Sarah’s graduation, you weren’t able to be there, so I texted you a picture. I’m pretty sure Ben got in big trouble for that one!

When we played dirty santa this year…and I thought back to how inevidibly you would end up with something like the John Deere mug, and become distraught. I can still see you now holding that thing, making sure everyone knew how great it was so they would steal it from you. You ended up with a heated car scraper instead, and stated, “Oh, this will be great when Ben has to get up in the morning and go scrape my car for me!” 🙂

Or how about the fact that I had your name in the Christmas drawing this year…shew, I still can’t even really talk about it. We always got so excited when we drew eachother’s names. Last year, we had eachother’s names and ended up getting eachother the same thing…flannel pjs and I got you comfy socks and you got me house shoe boots…funny how that worked out, I loved that we enjoyed the same stuff:)

I thought of you when I decorated my house for Valentine’s this year, and while in my storage room I came across the Easter mug and dishtowel you got me last year just because you thought I would like it. I love feeling like I’m really channeling your energy/spirit when I’m being super festive :))

I think of you EVERY time I buy books for my boys. And this Christmas we went book crazy, just for you.

When I listen to my Alison Krauss station on Pandora, and every single time Three Little Birds by Bob Marley comes on….ugh, makes me want to cry, smile, sing and go to Florida – all at the same time!

Speaking of Florida, Destin vacation without you is gonna be a kicker….I’m sure I’ll think of you when I go to the beach and pull out my mixture of decorating/junk-filled celebrity magazines to read. And when I am the only one getting ready and putting on my make-up just to go shopping at the outlet mall. Or when I go into a store and it only takes me 30 mins to look around, instead of an HOUR, because you’re not with me. Or when I even SEE an airbrushed t-shirt…or when the fireworks get set off on the beach….ugh…

I miss the fact that you’re not here to show us up when we go somewhere, it never failed when we would go somewhere, you would come out of the bedroom last minute, all dressed up, with your hair fixed in some cute updo, and matching jewelry. Even if everyone else was just loungin around. You did your fair share of lounging, but when it was time to get out of the house, you went all out! So now, thanks to you, everytime I see a cute blonde in a sundress and matching jewelry, I will think of you and say, “That is so Ali.” Actually, I catch myself saying, “That is so Ali” about a lot of things.

I think about you when I’m on pinterest…and how you would have LOVED it. I wish you were here to pin a bunch of cute ideas with me, lots of cupcake recipes too! I even have a board on pinterest that is specifically things I have pinned that remind me of you.

I miss catching up on the phone, and tellng you that I love you. And I have to confess that I often browse through old email messages, texts, voicemails, and I scroll way back through your fb page and mobile uploads, just to feel like you’re still here. I think I may just keep on writing on your fb page too, whenever the urge arises.

Here’s my very favorite though…when I’m having a really bad day, or something terrible happens, like a couple weeks ago when I was already having a bad day and then I backed into grandmother’s car in my driveway, and for the moment I feel like the world is ending and I want to scream – I swear I see your face, and truly can feel you telling me, “It’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. Be thankful for today, for your health, for your family…breathe…and be thankful just to be alive.”

I also in those moments feel like I need a little retail therapy, and of course, need to go eat something sweet — I’m pretty sure that’s you too…stop that! 🙂

Fact of the matter is, as long as I’m breathing, I’m sure there will be things that make me think of you…and that’s okay. I WANT to think of you, I want to remember you, and these things…well, they keep you alive to me. So until we can see you again, keep on painting that sky pink….it comforts us to know you’re still here, with us always.

xoxo, lindsey.

this post was written by ali’s bff, julie. i asked her to gather some thoughts for me to post here so blogreaders can hear someone else’s voice for once. 🙂

i have literally known julie my whole life, she has always been and will continue to be a part of our family. a few yrs ago julie up and moved to the west coast and we don’t get to see her often anymore. i was thankful that julie was able to make it home a few times during ali’s battle, cause even at opposite ends of the US, they were still very close. you know, the kind of relationship you can not see each other for months, then pick up right where you left off. she was able to spend a week with ali a month or two prior to nov 3. she stayed up at the hospital each night, just as ali would have done for her helping her do all the things (everything) that ali simply didn’t have the energy to do on her own. when i would come up during those days, she would laugh and tell me about the evening before spent with julie. the inner librarian in ali made up this hilarious game to make julie entertain her. really, it just a way to try and make julie feel awkward which is next to impossible when they had done almost every imaginable thing together in life. she made julie tell her a bedtime story to help her fall asleep, with no prepration. i’m pretty sure just like giddy little school girls, the stories had the opposite effect. ali gave her the topic, genre and a “ready, go!” then she was forced to spew out a story on the spot. there was “true crime and friendship.” julie talked about 2 friends stealing back michael jackson’s red leather jacket from someone. on another night, the story had to involve the lochness monster. then a story with a red blinking light (like her finger with the monitor on it), but julie could only use the word “red” 3 times in the story. oy vey, where did she come up with this stuff?

the night everything happened i had to make a couple phone calls that, to this day, were the hardest of my life. with everything happening so quick that day, two of ali’s closest friends weren’t even aware she was in the ICU, much less in her final hours. i knew how much it would pain them to not speak to her one last time. so i did what i would hope someone would do for me (if in either position), and i called them. there really wasn’t an easy way to tell julie that the girl you’ve been bff’s with for almost 25 yrs would be taking her final breaths any moment. i told jules i would hold the phone to ali’s ear as long as she needed, to tell her anything and everything she wanted. i know ali could hear her and i’m sure desperately wanted to talk back.

needless to say, though trapped in a hospital, they were able to have a good time together. after all their years of dancing, playing sports, and theatrics, i wish their last sleepover wasn’t in the hospital. 🙁

thank you for sharing julie. i appreciate your words, “despite the terrible pain we are going through, we are in this together.” you’re damn right we are. xoxo. peace, smelli

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…when I heard there was someone new at work named Dorcas. My Cabbage Patch Kid when we were growing up was named Clarissa Dorcas. And I didn’t want to tell anyone her middle name. It was the first secret I ever told you and you kept it so I (and my Cabbage Patch Kid) wouldn’t be embarrassed.
…when I picked up my cell phone. You are still the first person in my contact list. I’m not sure how long to keep your number in there.
…when I celebrated my birthday. I can’t even count how many bday’s we celebrated together in how many different ways. As we got older, we would make each other dinner to celebrate. I still remember when you bragged to me about the non-fat delish brownies you made me and then proceeded to pile on two tons of frosting.
…when I was in a meeting at work. I work on hair color now and I kept thinking back to the time when we thought it was a good idea to dye your hair red…with cranberry juice. The color didn’t quite work out as we planned and your hair was SO stiff!
…when I opened my email because my first 4 folders are “Ali”, “Ali’s Baby Shower”, “Ali’s Engagement Party”, and “Ali’s Wedding”.
…when I drove home from work. My commute is my quiet time when I reflect back on our 24 years of friendship and think that “best friends forever” should have meant longer than 24 years.
…when I heard a Michael Jackson song. It doesn’t matter what song it is, I think of you. And I think back how to we (and Sarah) used to make cupcakes on Michael Jackson’s birthday. I keep thinking that you are in heaven hanging out with him (that is, if he is in heaven).
…when I needed to put a cap on our bottle of wine. You gave us a cute wine stopper with a W on it (for “Wolf”). I still haven’t changed my last name and you hated that!!!
…when I took Jesse for a walk and gazed at the big open sky. Are you there looking down at me? I still have trouble believing you are not a phone call or text away.
…just because. I always do.

ben and ali were dressed as anchorman characters. 🙂