-Whenever I see the splatter of pink nail polish upstairs on my bathroom floor, I think of the night I was running late to a friend’s wedding and you insisted I paint my toes. I said I didn’t have time so you did it for me while I fixed my hair. Somehow the bottle fell off the counter, splashed on my dress, stained it and the tile. D’oh.

-Summer time and shaved ice. Years ago you introduced me to blending the flavors lemon-lime and blue rasberry. YUM. When we went to Adam’s dad’s to swim, we had to stop on the pike to get shaved ice. More than one time at your house while you were sick I was eating one and you “just wanted one bite.” Once bite turned into you eating 3/4 of it.

-Whenever I look at the dirt in my flower beds, I realize we haven’t mulched since you moved out. I really appreciated all that wedding, planting and mulching you did. I didn’t however enjoy how you’d take my debit card and spend all my money “accessorizing my yard.”

-It seems as though my job revolves around people’s life changing moments. Doesn’t matter the occassion, now all I can do is see you. Every wedding, I see you walking down the aisle. (The first wedding at De Sales since Nov. 3, I really struggled.) Every bridesmaid toasts about sisters, I tear up behind my camera. Every birth I see you laboring with Ben, anxious to meet your baby girl. Every family/newborn session I remember your sessions with Olivia. I think of how you were in the ER while Adam and I took Olivia’s one year pics. It’s just so hard to get you off my mind while I shoot.

-I think of you when Nori wears Olivia’s size 6mth skirts. I want to send you the pic and say, “hand-me-UPs?

-I think of you when I eat Thai Taste because that was our favorite take out. One of the nights I stayed in the hospital with you, you requested it. I brought it up, only to find you finishing throwing up from the chemo. You didn’t want it after that and I ended up throwing it out.

-If I listed the thousand times I thought of you while our families were in Hilton Head, this blog would be a mile long. I just don’t have the energy to blog about those times. When we booked that trip it was something for you to look forward to, to get better for. hmphhh.

-Every time I eat sherbet, I think of the time I had to hide in Britt’s kitchen and eat a cone to fulfill my pregnancy craving because you weren’t allowed to eat sweets and I didn’t want to torture you. But you walked in and saw me eating it, I felt terrible, you were mad because you were fighting so hard to resist sugar and I couldn’t just avoid it when I was with you. I felt so greedy and selfish.

-My neighbor was telling me about his father’s recent passing. He told me how he developed cancer, was treated at UC, was doing so well and out of no where developed double pneumonia. He said he was in the ICU for a couple days and then…that was it. When he looked up to see tears pouring down my face, he was shocked and felt terrible as if he’d said something wrong to offend me. He didn’t know. All I could get out was, “Yes, I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Everything. Exactly.”

-Tutus are more prevalent in my life now, that they’ve ever been. Besides the ones I own, I have others laying around for sick kids and runners. Tutus were always for fun and dress up. Now they represent you to SO many people.

This is Ella sporting her first tutu from Aunt Ali.peace, Mel