This is a gal whom I’ve never met but I’ve heard so much about. When Ali was sick I heard that she received this handmade “Olivia doll.” It was sewn with much love by Channing and Holly. The concept of the doll came from when Holly was given poor prognosis while pregnant with Sophie. The doll gave much comfort to Channing while waiting for his sister to be born. During the 7 months she blessed their family, she kept the doll with her. When she became an angel, Channing took care of the doll once again for his sister. So Holly wanted Olivia and Ali to have a connection with this doll as well. Ali loved dolls even as an adult (sounds a little creepy, it wasn’t like that) so she enjoyed having the doll at the hospital with her. Thanks to Holly, Olivia has this special little doll to keep now. So sweet.

I try hard to keep up with her witty and inspirational blog. IDon’tKnowHowSheDoesIt. Man, being pregnant is it’s own battle some days, but adding cancer, always the constant grieving over her daughter, and a rambunctious little boy…WOW mama, you are super woman. I told her in an email, “I hate that people like you and Vannessa have to face such uphill battles while others coast through life 🙁 ” Her response, “To me, it isn’t uphill.  Uphill was fighting every minute of every day for all I believed in Sophie.  She, according to the doctors, was ‘not compatible with life.’  They said she’d never survive my pregnancy.  The biggest compliment I was paid during her short sweet life was by her ENT, Dr. Sidman.  He applauded Michael & I for treating her as if she were perfectly healthy until she proved to us she needed to be treated otherwise.  I still take great pride in that.  Our bitty girl, she exuded big love & I know she’s up there watching over her mama.” GAH!!! What an amazing outlook. Here I am complaining to my husband about my whopping 3-4 hrs of sleep I get a night and here is this mom with REAL struggles, acting like it’s no big deal. Talk about making me feel like I need to be kicked in the butt.

You are incredible Holly. I hope we meet one day soon. I can’t wait to hear of the arrival of your sweet baby boy! Too bad you don’t live closer, I would LOVE to shoot that birth! So thankful everything has gone so smooth with the pregnancy! Ali and Sophie better see to a smooth and easy delivery for you!!

We wish you nothing but the best in the days ahead. God clearly has big plans for you and your family. Prayers from our family are always headed your way. XOXO. Love, Melanie.

Name of tutu recipient:   Holly Flynn

Age:  37

Diagnosis:  Breast Cancer/Invasive Ductal Carcinoma

Age at Diagnosis: 36

Date of Diagnosis:  December 2011

Treatment Center:  Piper Breast Center/MN Oncology

Treatment Plan:  Lumpectomy, January 2012, Chemotherapy (FAC), March 2012-July 2012, Double Mastectomy/Reconstruction, ‘When the dust settles’

Favorite Songs: Red Umbrella, Faith Hill – It is the song that popped into my head as Dr. O’Leary gave me my diagnosis.  The Red Umbrella has become the symbol of my journey.  I don’t like pink.  Sorry, Ali.  ; )

Favorite TV Shows:  I watch a lot of Food Network & HGTV late at night or when Michael is on the road.  Secrets of a Stylist-Love it!  Big Bang Theory-Oh how those boys crack me up!  Penny too!!  Grey’s Anatomy.  Yes, I’m still stuck on that old drama.

Favorite Books:  Anything I can read to Channing while snuggling him.  LOVE, LOVE, LOVE snuggling my little man and reading.  Currently, we’re stuck in a rotation of Fox in Sox, Alexander & the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Sight.  Shaun Tan’s The Red Tree is a good one for inspiring hope, again a children’s book.  Michael & I are currently reading The Hunger Games trilogy.  We read aloud to each other in bed and sometimes in the car, a habit we started before Channing was born.

Favorite Activities:  Sewing!!!  Creating/crafting, Decorating, Cooking & Baking, Blogging  I have just a slight addiction to Pinterest too.

Favorite Colors:  Wagon Red, Apple Green, Robin’s Egg Blue.  No, I cannot just answer with a simple red, green and blue.

Favorite Foods:  Graeter’s Black Raspberry Chip Ice Cream, Cheese-especially Brie & Bleu, Butternut Squash Ravioli, Caprese Salad, Key Lime Pie & Michael’s Grilled Buffalo Chicken-drumsticks, not wings.

My Support Team:  Michael, my husband, Channing, my son, Sophie, my bitty girl & angel, Doug & Meredith Kuehl-my parents, Walt & Kathy Flynn-my in-laws, my siblings, Michael’s siblings, their spouses & kiddies, a whole slew of friends too numerous to name

Inspired By/Role Models:  Michael, Channing, Sophie, Leanne Miller & Amber Johnson, Kelli Bosholm

What else do you want others to know about you? I’m pregnant!!  Michael & I were trying to conceive when I received my diagnosis just after Christmas.  My first question was not, ‘what’s going to happen to me?’ rather it was ‘How does this affect my baby?’  I was so fearful of the answer to that question and almost instantly relieved when Dr. O’Leary indicated both surgery to remove my lump and chemotherapy were ‘OK’ for expectant women.

At the point I was given my diagnosis, it was too soon to know.  The following week, on the very first day I could possibly test positive for pregnancy via a blood test, we learned I was in fact pregnant.  The following day, I had a needle biopsy of my lymph nodes.  It came back negative.  The day after that, under mild sedation, I had a golf ball sized tumor removed from my left breast.  Then, the waiting game began.

Women can be treated with chemotherapy while pregnant.  Who knew?  Certainly not me.  However, it is best to wait until the second trimester.  The plan was FAC-six infusions over a period of 15 weeks.  My first infusion was on March 30, 2012.  Every three weeks, I returned to the infusion suite for another transfusion, Michael by my side.  My last treatment was July 13.

Through Piper Breast Center, I met Leanne Miller, who was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 19 weeks pregnant with her son.  Through Leanne, I met Amber Johnson, who like me, lost an infant child, and was also battling breast cancer.  These ladies are amazing.  There are not words for their poise, grace and ability to help guide others on this journey.  Talking to them, prepared me for the ins and outs of chemo.

With their advice and a whole lot of support from my team, I made it through.  In fact, I’d say I rocked chemo.  The side effects, for me, were minimal.  I lost my hair.  I was more constipated than I knew was humanly possible.  I was tired.  Yes, it is true.  Taking a shower can be an exhausting task.   My labs rarely fell below normal, if at all.

My friend, Angie, joked that she was happy my hair fell out.  It was proof they were actually giving me chemo drugs.   She teased that she thought they’d been giving me water.

Michael shaved his head with me.  Channing helped.  We made it a family affair.  That was very important to me.  I wanted Channing to understand what was going on, to see my change first-hand, rather than to have the shock of me going out one day looking like me and coming home bald.

Kathy’s stylist came to our house.  We took turns sitting on a stool in the kitchen watching the hair tumble to the floor.  Laura even brought a small electric razor for Channing to use.  He was pretty proud of his work.  It wasn’t too much later in the journey that we were laying in his bed one night, reading.  He was absentmindedly rubbing my head while I read.  His little voice interrupted me, mid-story.  ‘Mommy, I love you when you’re little and squishy and bald and cute.’  Talk about melting a mama’s heart.

Right now, I feel like I’m coming down the home stretch.  Chemo, definitely pre-delivery, but hopefully for good, is over.  The focus, while always more baby-centered than cancer-centered, has definitely shifted.  I’m nesting like mad.  The nursery is coming together.  I’m spending hours in front of the sewing machine.  Channing sits next to me working on his own projects or ‘helping’ me with mine.  He’s getting better at pinning fabric and at keeping the machine going at a consistent speed when I let him be the one ‘to drive.’

My biggest struggle right now is gestational diabetes.  It isn’t fun.  Chemo, or rather the anti-nausea steroid, didn’t help.  It mucks with your blood sugar, something I wish I would have known earlier on.  I have to be very strict with my diet.  I test my blood sugar four times daily & take an insulin shot each night before bed.  I just want to eat.  I don’t want to analyze what to eat or when to eat or how it is going to impact my numbers.

Sometimes, it is hard.  I feel people give me more credit in this fight than I deserve.  I’m just a mom doing my darn best to survive. As Leanne put it, ‘digging in my stubborn heels.’ This is my life.  I don’t know any different.  There’s no ‘how to’ in how I do it.  I just do.